F.A.Q.
What does "F.A.Q." stand for?
Frequently Asked Questions; although that one properly belongs under FASQ — Frequently Asked Stupid Questions.
Have you seen (stupid television show)?
No. I haven't been able to watch television since I lost the remote in 1996. To anyone who knows me at all, this should be another FASQ.
Oh. Well, how about (stupid movie)?
No. But I can tell you the plot, the major actors, the director, the year it came out in theatres, what the critical consensus was, and possibly some trivia related to the production of the film. Annoying, isn't it?
How do you remember so much trivia?
Easy. I forget all of the important things I used to know (like most everything I learned in school) to make room for piles of factoids, each of which will probably become useful exactly once, at some unspecified point in the future. The people around me will be left in awe by my apparent omniscience, when in fact, I will have contributed nothing of lasting value to the conversation or the world as a whole. So don't feel bad. At least you probably remember your own birthday.
Can you tell me how to get to (fill-in-the-blank)?
No. Maps are cheap and widely available. Google maps are free. You should've taken the time to figure out where you were going and how to get there before you left. Not all who wander are lost, but you sure as hell are.
What's the weather supposed to be like tomorrow?
What, are you so goddamned impatient that you can't just wait to find out like everyone else? So now I'm a meteorologist as well as a cartographer? *Sigh*. Fine. Just click the link and satisfy your fucking curiosity already.
Is all the cursing really necessary?
What the flying fuck are you talking about?
Do you suffer shame of sex?
No. I take pride in sex. I take great pride in great sex. Especially if I was personally involved. ;þ
What is "generic" stands for?
What is "grammar" stands for? "To do" and "to be" are not interchangeable, and while you're learning this simple lesson, enroll yourself in a remedial course in subject-verb agreement. Besides which, "generic" doesn't "stand for" anything; it's an adjective, not an acronym. You are an idiot, even for a spammer, and that's really saying something.
Just who the hell do you think you are, anyway?
I'm a father, husband, son, brother, friend, enemy, lover, nephew, uncle, cousin, co-worker, band member, neighbor....I'm just like you. Except I'm me.